Our society has unfortunately transformed the meaning of relationships in just one generation. People get into and out of relationships faster than they change their underwear these days. The intimacy seems pleasurable, but in reality, it’s a farce. Sex is a form of mutual masturbation when you’re not connected on a deep level with your partner.

As a result, attracting the opposite sex has been radically transformed. Dating in the last few decades has been heavy on game playing. As a result, many relationships are started based on a foundation of deceit and lies. Style over substance doesn’t work in business and it definitely doesn’t work in a relationship.

Instead of responding to a text right away, we wait for hours to not seem too needy. Instead of telling someone that we can’t stop thinking about them, we portray a persona of indifference to give a different tell.

While you may be fooling the person initially, the subconscious mind picks up EVERYTHING. Your mannerisms, micro-expressions, and body language are communicating exactly who you are and what you’re feeling towards another person. Often times, your “temporary” partner will not process it right away, but eventually it will catch up to the relationship and it will blow up out of nowhere. You can’t fake it forever, yet, most people fall into this trap thinking that they can deceive their way into happiness.

Where does this whole dating mentality stem from?

The biggest turn-off for both men and women alike is when a potential mate seems too clingy. If one looks desperate, then odds are 1) They don’t have many options; or 2) They don’t have much going on. We want someone to be all about us, however when they’re TOO happy to be there, we wonder if they’re really as attractive a mate as we once thought.

Here’s the correct association you should be making: We do not want someone who cannot generate their own happiness.

HOWEVER, YOU SHOULD BE CLINGY!!! The two caveats in this phrase though are:
1) Clingy with the right person; and
2) Clingy for the right reasons.

And let’s change the word clingy to the phrase ALL IN. You should be ALL ABOUT your partner, willing to do practically anything and everything for her/him. That’s not to say you should be weak, but when you find THE ONE (and yes, I do believe in the lock-key analogy I gave you), you go all chips, all in to her/him and bend over backwards to cater to their wishes and desires. Your partner will not respect you if you’re weak minded, but you being the best version of yourself is the best form of helping your significant other. If you both take care of yourselves and each other for each other, you have a relationship that this universe intended.

As Eric Thomas eloquently said in one of his speeches, “If you’re not whipped after being married for 20 plus years, there’s a problem.”

However, I do believe you are supposed to be clingy from the get-go, if you’re being real and honest with your inner feelings. Sometimes love grows, but most often it slams you in the face out of nowhere. When that person comes in your life, you’ll be totally swept off your feet. The act of falling is a spontaneous act of letting go. Eventually you’ll hit the ground and wake up to the person in front of you without the love goggles on, but during that process you have to LET GO. Succumb to your feelings of wanting to be clingy and if this person is the right person for you, they will be just as clingy back. Not clingy, because you two have nothing going on, but because both of you chose to spend your time with this person over other women/men and totally commit to growing an incredible relationship together.

Don’t build your relationships on fear or deceit. Life is about honestly expressing yourself and your gut will know if a potential mate is the right one for you. If you’re justifying why the girl or guy should be in your life because of sexual reasons or because you’re lonely, you’re only going to cause yourself pain. You cannot have pleasure without pain. Ever smile so long your face hurt? Well, pleasure is found in the body, but happiness is generated between your own two ears.

If you’re sleeping with random people, hey, you do you. However, you cannot find pure happiness there. Any kind of intimacy you have is built on fear, not love. There’s a part of you that is still longing for more when you’re with this woman/man. You’ll also find yourself comparing this “temporary” partner to other people, thinking you can possibly do better. You feel like they are inadequate at some level and it haunts you, because they’re not the lock to your key. It goes in, but it doesn’t turn. The spark is there, but there’s no deep connection based on a mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically interconnected level. They don’t fully understand you and you don’t fully understand them and it gnaws at you every day.

Let your feelings do the talking for you in an honest way and everything will turn out the way it was intended: for you to be the best you and to be at peace with yourself.

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