If anyone is interested in being a coach, or if you’re interested in influence, in general, here are some things I think will help you.
It’s important to understand there are really two components to effective delivery.
1) Being prepped with material; and
2) Feeling what is needed in the moment.
I could be prepped to deliver a speech or a coaching session on a specific strategy, but if I stick to the ‘script’ when I feel there’s something looming that’s more important, then I’m letting my ego dictate where I should go. I’m sticking to the ‘plan’ because that’s what I want instead of recognizing what this person’s pain point is. And it surfaces from moment to moment. You have to be very in tune to listen to their hesitations and the scratchiness in their voice.
Many times when I ask clients a personal question that leaves them a bit vulnerable, they’ll usually gargle their throat before they answer.
Everyone has these verbal and non-verbal tells – I know I certainly have them.
There are many cues you have to pick up on and over time, you get more and more of a feel for them. At the specific time, you hear them, you have to dig…GENTLY. There’s an art to getting someone to trust you, and there’s a way to get someone to talk about their weaknesses. You cannot come from a place of judgment! Ever! The second a client senses you are judging them for their actions or behavior you a) just lost rapport; and b) minimize your influential efforts because they won’t open up to you or heed your advice.
If you really want to be influential, you have to come from a place of total giving.
The key to influence, from a coaching perspective, is understanding that people present surface level problems.
In reality, there is a much bigger root to the problem, and until you get to the root, strategies will just be a temporary fix.
If you ever saw Tony Robbins I’m Not Your Guru, there’s a scene where a girl says she wants to lose weight and then Tony gets into a deep conversation about the love that she craved from her father. This is very important to understand in the coaching industry.
People’s real problems are much more severe. Give them what they want, but more importantly what they need…So solve their weight loss problem and then solve their self esteem issue.
Often times, attacking the root is not a strategy formula that you need to give them; it’s a spiritual re-alignment that must take place. You have to deliver a golden nugget of wisdom that hits them hard in their soul to recognize the truth.
However, here’s the important concept I’ve fortunately had the privilege of understanding ever since I was little. The answer is always simple. Einstein had an amazing quote in regards to this. Professionals like to sound complicated. Lawyers speak a language of their own. Why? The less you know, the more you have to rely on them. However, that’s not what solves people’s problems. The spiritual realignment is usually always an answer that can be summed up in usually a sentence or two. However, there are many layers to life. Life does have its’ complexities, but to solve each layer, you always have to dig for the simple answer.
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